March 21st, 2005 |
1046 people have read this post.
This dude needs a bit of help. Yowza.
This kind of thing really makes me wonder about people sometimes. This guy is obviously functional, on some level, or he wouldn’t have his blog. Looking through his entries, he’s definitely a whackjob though. The Dalai Lama stealing his thoughts?
Evil Buddhism. Christianity, a perversion of the One True Insect God, at least only suggests that a single messiah figure died and came back to life. That’s fair. That’s equitable. One man of divine origin absorbs the sins and evils of the world. I am that man. I am not Jesus. But the Insect God speaks to me in dreams. It occurs to me that I know nothing about the Insect God. I simply accept it because it seems to want to help me, and because it does so without demands. Is that changing? Does it send me bad energy about Suzie because it is a jealous Insect God? Does it love me? Can it love? Have I been lead astray?
I am afraid, and I do not handle fear very well. My sense of certainty is shaken, and it is for this very reason that I’ve avoided being certain about anything other than my own ability to resist the Dalai Lama. So what about Buddhism? The prime evil of Buddhism is its belief in reincarnation and karma. In case you haven’t heard, reincarnation means that you come back again and again and again on a wheel of pain that breaks your bones and mends them repeatedly. Karma is the debt you gain by doing bad things in order to survive in the hellish, never-ending nightmare that we all experience over and over and over (see ‘reincarnation’). What this means in practice is that Buddhist monks are the ultimate loan sharks, lending you karma at ridiculous interest rates, knowing full well that you’ll never be able to pay the vig. How else can you explain it? It’s such self-supporting bullshit, after all, and it helps support power structures the way that all religions do. I mean, the Dalai Lama is attacking me and TRYING. TO. STEAL. MY. THOUGHTS. Is this karma? Did I do something bad in a former life? And, if so, does the Dalai Lama know about it? Is punishing me part of his karma? As the Greatest Buddhist Monk on Earth, shouldn’t he be aware of his karma, and shouldn’t he be able to escape it? Is he an agent of karma, or is he using it as a facile excuse to fuck with my mind for his evil, demented pleasure? If I go out and kill a child, is it that child’s karma? What if I want to kill a child but get hit by a truck before I have a chance to? Is that karma? What if I aim a telescopic rifle at a schoolyard full of children, get the shakes because I drank too much last night, and end up shooting the Dalai Lama by accident? Is that karma?
Fuck you, Dalai Lama! You son of a fucking bitch! My hands are shaking right now! I need help from the Insect God! I need help from the Insect God! I need help from the Insect God! I need help from the Insect God! I don’t believe in killing anyone, but I would fucking kill you! I feel so angry. I don’t usually feel this angry. I’m literally shaking. I don’t remember writing any of that. I don’t know what’s happening. I thought that writing a blog would make me feel better. I don’t know what I should do. I want to call Suzie. I don’t want the Insect God to be angry at me. I don’t remember the last time I had sex. No. I do. It was after I left the hospital. That girl I met. Or was that before? I can’t remember what Suzie looks like. I can’t remember anything except those insects (Insects? I.N.S.E.C.T.S.?). I hate bugs. I always have. I don’t remember. I don’t remember not having that hate.
Fuck. Fuck. I sound insane. I need to stop. I need to stop. I can’t fight Him like this.
Help me.
